An Honest Blog - Like the Stuff Normal People Do

So, this is going to be like what I gather most blogs are, incessant ramblings to pass the time and hopefully, get some feedback. I just wanted to forewarn you faithful few in case you were expecting some pseudotheological prose or poetry, or even commentary I guess.... well ok I most likely will bring up God, He is frankly amazing, mind you the word frankly comes nowhere close to anything describing the ammount of awesomeness God entails, but hey its an adjective I like and minus the "ly" can be a very commanding name, like a hard as nails police chief or a smug auto mechanic with a heart of gold, plated the inside is really justr zinc. So if you are still reading you might notice that that was a very long sentence, quite long even. Since I am not doing this on word you my friend get to partake inside what may come to be unstructured mayhem, congratulations! For bonus points point out my typos and let me know, its not just words but a game, HooRay!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, I am pretty spaced. The 8 to ten intercession set was rather draining, it was heavy. In regards to revival I know I can get pretty psyched up on an event and well wait for my comissioning in which I am healed of everything, have my life set forth in front of me, be laid down with commanding power, and within a week get engaged and start my now new and glorious life as a better Christian, one with fire!!!!! Well ok, I have fire in me. It burns every now and then and is tended by the Word, the Holy Spirit and my own obedience. I guess it has been a life of reading too many comic books expecting to one day get struck by some divine light, hear my calling and rush forth to save the day, for God, definitely for God, not for my own gloryat all, all for Him, I mean I have no say in having commanding presence, a voice that swoons and shakes crowds, a gorgeous wife to love, and to have a life in which I lead a successful minisitry to the most pained rejected including junkies and hookers in which during the end times a storm of the antichrist's soldiers burst into my church in the middle of a gut wrenching sermon and gun me down as I boldy confess my beliefs in front of them while asking God in my last breaths for their salvation which in turn they receive right after I die and get a high five from God. I mean no selfish ambition or plans of my own at all. I mean lets get real, we all have these fantasies, I mean yours most likely is not at all like mine, maybe it is, go team! The point of that is that we have no honest grid for the workings of God. Frankly (what a wonderful word) this is not our end purpose.
I mean, the end result of all we do is to be deeply in love with God and absorbed with passion for our Creator and our Family. I don't understand this in the slightest way, but its what God has been tellign me and therefore it must be true. I mean currently I am getting so many other things on my mind than just becomming Jesus. For starters girls, I mean they are pretty, its true. I am nowhere in a place for pursuing anyone but I want a wife and a family really, really, badly. Yet I am a 19 year old kid who still doesn't know who he is or what he is doing, lety alone the fact that I need to do some serious growing up regardless of who may be stuck in my head.
Secondly my future. Who am I? Why???? Aaaaah?!!??!? So to be honest I am not that stressed, I should be stressed but I am not, I'm partially stressed about not being stressed but that is about it. I mean my mind wanders there alot but it is nothing but plain old wandering, nothing really productive. But I know my life isn't mine, my calling isn't mine, and God knows when and what proper procedure is, therefore I stare almost blankly into the future holding an invisible hand and hearing a voice in my gut or in my head and trustin that they are right. God likes me, that much I am pretty sure but I need to grow and be diligent so thats what I'm trying to do now.
Thirdly my friends, to be honest, most of the people I know outside of IHOP in KC and Richmond are headed straight to hell and there seems to not be a thing I can do about it, when I even remember. Yet God cares, and constantly weeps for them and I don't. The only place to find love is in intercession and praying in the Spirit it seems since basically most contact has been erased as of now. He cares and hears, He is the God who hears and answers prayer. Repeat that sentence out loud a couple of times it will do you good, it helps me atleast.
Anyway those are my arena's of things I do not need to be carrying now. It is all about love, and most importantly beyond seeing angels and causing limbs to grow I and we need love. Love is the wellspring of life. Jesus was driven by love, not obligation. He healed out of love not pride. He died for love not to prove a point. He conquered death for love, not for kicks. I need God badly. This feels very unannointed and compared to the other stuff I write which at the end of the day is just semi annointed (I hope) words. Love. Be loved, beloved. Drink, eat, and fervently consume love. There is where peace is found. So God likes you, and He is a fan of me. Love is not a cold grimace hiding a mind whipping a heart for being a failure. Lay to waste the darkness and be quick to forgive, pursue love and you will find your home. How else can we be citizens of the kingdom of LOVE.
Anyway......... thats all I got. Its fun to process here, I mean Micah seems to be leading a pretty good set now, I could be pacing and babbling wondering about Clay's setlist and dreading my agreement to go to the airport with Forrey this morning. A guy just sneezed, I don't know his name but I'm sure God would honor a blessing sent his way right now. So that is enough of that, God bless you friend(s).