A New Hope (or Chewbacca's Solo Mission)

Today was a good day. To warn you this may end up being a somewhat lengthy post, be it I have not yet mapped anything out I had a really good day and I frankly feel kind of like preaching. So my beloved readers, and yes I adore all of you who read from the utter depths of my fledgling heart, here is a peek at what has been going on. I most likely will be vaguely candid on issues I generally skirt but hey, enjoy.

Yesterday was a good day. I just thought I would get that out of my way. I wept heavily for the first time in a good long while. To be a little open with my crowd, God has been in a place of bringing up my darkness and pain in order to open the eyes of my understanding, that I may know the hope of my calling, the glorious riches of His inheritance and His exceeding power towards me who believes and well even doubts at times, a lot of times. I need a father. I lack direction and I have been seeking identity in a vacuum scared out of my mind with no direction and feeling the futility of my own scraping fall to dust and incompletion, well a lot of them. I need to know the Father’s love and well let Him provide for me and drop Atlas and the world from my back I thank you friends who encouraged me. I due and I cannot express enough the gratitude I have in my heart for those who have fought for me and continue to do so, God will reward you, deeply.

Yesterday left me with a lot on my mind i.e. dealing with identity, emotional longings across the board, the future, and well life and God. You know, all of the short concise questions which within12.7 seconds can all be answered by Wikipedia. I mean shoot, that isn’t much, LOL(ok so honestly it has been a good solid year and a half since I have actually typed that and I know that eyes were rolled at its usage but hey, where would we be today without acronyms, IHOP would be sunk). But anyway, tangent aside God has been carrying me in this haze lightly soaking me with hope. Today the three main contributors were men of God who I consider a full honor to know, be with, and befriend: Kevin Samuel, Matthew Johnson, and Joshua Forrey.

Starting with Kevin. We got together at about 5:30ish and rocked out the Antique Furniture Mall (Joe’s Town to the newer crowd) and we found a couple of really comfy chairs two feet in front of a large bureau with nice glasses and an array of Lord of the Rings posters in it. After that we skedaddled over to Sam’s for some food and we just talked. Kevin has some mad depth, I mean for real, God has given him vision birthed deep. Through the laughs and the tears (not really tears) God nudged me to look somewhat up and catch once again another glimmer of hope. Right now if you don’t mind throw up a blessing for Kevin, it would be rad.

So after going home and enjoying some Spongebob with my little bro I went over to my buddy Matt Johnson’s and we caught up with each other on life. It had been a real long time since we had talked and it was good. I like to see the way God moves outside of my own little sphere in His various divine ways. He knows us all and He cares for us all. I mean there is not a sparrow who He doesn’t see fall how much more the one’s He made in His own image let alone His children. I mean He is faithful. That and we played some video games for awhile. I have never been big into playing anything and it had been a long time since I had sat down to play anything but it was good. Some Bond game for X-Box that was just fun. Video games and scintillating conversation about the Almighty, I was a fan. If you can please throw up a quick prayers for Matt, he needs to be blessed gosh dang-it.

Moving on to the next event, Josh. I thank God for this guy, I mean honestly he is a good friend and God has ridiculously blessed me by just knowing this guy. We conversed as we often do, about God, life, the future, and well ‘love and whatnot.’ Anyhoo, throughout the nights events which included meeting a believer who worked at Wal-Mart named Abraham (he is an Indian man who loves Jesus and stocks shelves and if you are ever in there and see him you should rush to bless his socks off), we moseyed to my casa and watched some Fraggle Rock, FTFNF with the crew and watching American Tale (Fiefel Goes West), and kicking it at the ‘Bucks God intermingled with our words as to each of us hope was imparted. I mean honestly, I have been going to God regarding certain things in my life and throwing them at His feet and in turn growing deeper in God. It was something that I have never thought of but God gives voices in your life to truly exhort and to love on ya with. It is not sin at all but things that demand wisdom in order to well fully engage with. Amidst my fear, crap, anxiety, questions, and uncertainty regarding them I have been driven directly into my Father’s huge arms of love. Through all of the workings in my heart and the longings, pullings, wonderings I have found one thing and that is God cares. I mean He knows us. He knows each one of our thoughts, longings, and questions. He knows the demons we still need dragged out of us the deep wells of pain which we have for too long been terrified for Him to probe and heal. He cares and He is so gentle with His children. I mean I am grateful. Throughout 7 or so hours of just talking and actual well, fellowship, I am left with peace resolved even more in the midst of the haze. It was good. I mean a really good night. Right now you should probably pray a blessing over Josh and his apartment they really could use it, I mean a heck of a lot. They are good guys and it would be rad of you to bless them.
So that was a lot, for the few who are still actually reading this God has been hitting me with something really cool lately and I want to expound briefly, I say briefly because I understand the concept of attention spans and I am also really really tired, I am looking forward to the voice of Gobo Fraggle lolling me to sleep in about twenty minutes. Anyway, here goes:


And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Revelation 12:11

So amidst the battle in which looms in front of us, the one raging on around and in us, and the grand drama that is beginning to unfold like a flower about to bloom we went and yearn to overcome. I mean we do not want to fall away and perish but live confident in the day in which Christ is fully revealed and we are fully transformed into the likeness of our Beloved, Jesus Christ. What holds the authority is His blood which has reconciled all things and conquered death and our testimony. This is not vision that is being preached. This is not mere convictions but the actual declaration of the Son of God through the knowing of a man and entering into an active relationship with the Beloved in whom we believers are in fact accepted in. It comes from the conversations and the contemplation of knowing someone. We will not overcome speaking of a love in which we have never known and He beckons us forth into Him through His word and actual relationship. Amidst the brokenness and fear that grips our depths in Him do we find peace and we testify not just to the addiction which we were delivered of but of the place we have been seated and the kingdom to come in which He bore the full cup of wrath for every individual to enter into.

These are just a few thoughts on that. My brain is friend and the sonnets coming from my pillows are drawing me away. You are loved. My brothers and my sisters in Christ you are accepted and He loves you with a love which testifies louder than all doubt and darkness. Give your wounds to Him and let Him carry you. The burden of clarity and resolve will crush you unless you rest in His arms and cast all your cares on Him. God knows you deeper than even you do and every ounce of His attention and affection is directed directly to you and will see you through. He loved you to the end and the end is yet to come. Be loved and bless you all who have fought for me and stood with me.

On a side note, peace is only found in Christ Jesus, if you have found me through an obscure search engine or my old xanga or myspace and do not know Christ know that without Him the misery will only grow without him and the torment will only increase after death. You were made out of His longing to be enjoyed. In Him is peace and He can overcome every weakness in you for He holds the keys to death and Hades. Call out to Him and He will make Himself known.

*This post has been brought to you in part by the music of Ray Barbee and Paco de Lucia. Blessings all around.