So here we are. The vast abyss ahead of me is becoming to be more comforting than threatening. I mean I see no path, I have no real direction but on I plod. Day in and day out, blind monotony hoping for the best. I know I am not alone in this and I know that God is in control but it would be great to see a few things. Words have fallen to echoes as the mind gets refurbished and fumigated. Despite the loud hacking it has been a nearly pleasurable experience. The heart pounds for love but the pride says no, because of what the heart is longing for, I'm not sure, I'm not sure I wanna be a man anymore....... Okay not really I just like Blindside and haven't heard that song in forever.
The heart pounds and aches. Spiritual, physical, the yearnings more or less converge into one scream lacking any real guide post but God is faithful, I am pretty sure, thats what He tells me anyways. Obscurity and longing all over the place. Patience is honestly a drag because frankly I would love to be at a place in which I am somewhat mature enough to enter into things my heart and soul cry out for.... looking for an off switch has just been a waste of time. But He is faithful and His word is life.
I am His child whom He adores. He knows my thoughts, feelings, desires, pains, troubles, dreams, weakness, and is still entirely for me. This isn't just like some fan drinking a beer hooting at a TV screen watching their team actually make a touchdown, (Joe Gibbs I want something in return for all these years, come on.....); but He is a Father and a Husband and a Good friend who is absolutely absorbred in who we are with an unyielding affection for us. I mean He is good. I mean, if this was something I could plug in my head and all of a sudden know and embrace wholly that would be great. But I know this God does not screw us over. We are not His playthings He messes with to get a laugh. He cares, He truly does. He is good and I ache inside for about a billion things, err... maybe a handful but still He is good. He will finish all He started and yeah, Thank You God!!
Despite the insecurity and uncertainty
He is faithful when I am faithless
May He be strong in my weakness
Blessed be the name of the LORD
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3 comments:
Wow, that was excellent to hear (actually read and hear the words spill out over my unfaithfulness). But this is a great and vital message for all believers to know, and yet hear. We need to know that the Father loves us dearly, even in our weakest most immature state of being. We shall bless His name forever and ever! God bless you, Jonathon Barclay
wow, i haven't read further yet, but i just thought it worth commenting on the blindside lyric:
yes.
that's all. on to reading again...
again i say "yes"... especially to the ending.
yes.
my prayer for ages has been "God, in my weakness, your strength." it has prompted many a night of weeping and remembering his faithfulness to be my Father and the good, good Shepherd. may it also bring you the comfort and truth that your heart desires, friend of mine.
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